Episode 8: "Our Companion Animals, Our Selves" feat. Kay Ulanday Barrett
|
Episode 8: "Our Companion Animals, Our Selves" feat. Kay Ulanday Barrett
A disabled Pilipinx poet wearing a floral mask, big glasses and a black pompadour poses next to their jowly lab hound.
|
Episode 8: "Our Companion Animals, Our Selves" feat. Kay Ulanday BarrettWhat can a companion animal mean to a disabled person of color? Turns out a hell of a lot! Listen in as I have a lively talk with acclaimed Pilipinx, trans, disabled poet Kay Ulanday Barrett about their dog Biggie. This episode is so real, there were many tears had in the studio. Bring your tissues and your heart, you'll need them!
Listen now and enjoy the transcript below. |
POWER NOT PITY
A podcast for disabled people of color everywhere...Welcome to POWER NOT PITY, where I explore the lived experiences of disabled people of color everywhere. It's all about passing the mic here at POWER NOT PITY and wow, this mic has stories to tell!
This is the space where you can be sure to feel safe to talk about all aspects of life as a disabled person of color. These stories work specifically to dismantle ableism by breaking down race, gender, class and disability. Each episode gleams with this one question: “What’s your disabled power?” |
|
Transcript of “Our Companion Animals, Our Selves” feat. Kay Ulanday Barrett and their dog, Biggie
Theme Chant: Power power power not pity pity pity, power power power not pity pity pity.
Bri: Welcome to Power Not Pity-- a podcast all about amplifying the lives and loves of disabled people of color.
This is all about creating safe spaces to pass the mic. I'm Bri M. and the show is back for a brand new season! Brand new season, brand new energy! I'm so excited to share this next batch of stories y'all, they are so vibrant! But before I begin, I have to do something dear to my heart. That's thanking all the people who support me on Patreon.
It's been awhile, but since the first season ended I've had so many wonderful people come through and drop some coin into my pocket every month.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to Jen Lin, Alyssa Storrs, Ashley Stephen, Avren Keating, Keiko Wright, Laura Flanders, JB Brager, Jessica Lewis, Laura Mintz, LaTony Alvarado-Rivera, Fran Odette, Erica Knox, Charlie Garcia-Spiegel, Homoground, Dylan Marron, ChaNell, Selina Pishori, Ryan Easterly, Sylvia Nowak, Jennifer Miller-Smith, Ashley Taylor, Orion Stephanie Johnstone, Kevin Makice, Katie Newhouse, Abigail Savitch-Lew, and Samiyah Amatullah Foster.
All of you mean so much to me because your pledge symbolizes your commitment to helping me build my dreams of empowering disabled people of color in mass media. If you dear listener, like the show and want a little extra access to the show: check out my Patreon account! That's patreon.com slash power not pity.
This season, I'm going to explore the idea of survival. I think it's just the right time to start talking about this idea. So many disabled people I know have this concept on their minds for practically all their lives, you know, but since the beginning of the pandemic disabled people have shared their experiences and knowledge and truth that the world online.
So I'm going to be talking about survival... Survival. What does survival actually look like for disabled people of color during this time? What do we need? And what are we currently entitled to that the state does not allow us to have? What has systemic oppression and white supremacy denied us?
And what have we carved out for ourselves?
The season is going to range from dogs, to art and activism, to music and more. This first episode, "Our Companion Animals, Our Selves" is special because it's a new beginning but it's even more special because it features my homie, my best friend, Kay Ulanday Barrett and their dog Biggie!! Although we're going to talk about our lives together, this episode is really focused on their dog because I think our pets have the power to keep us surviving, thriving and breathing our next breath as we stroke and cuddle and dance in quarantine with our beloveds. So let me tell you a little bit about this amazing human Kay:
Named one of 9 Transgender and Gender Nonconforming Writers You Should Know by Vogue, KAY ULANDAY BARRETT aka @Brownroundboi is a poet, performer, and cultural strategist. K. has featured at The Lincoln Center, The U.N., Symphony Space, Princeton University, Tucson Poetry Festival, NY Poetry Festival, The Dodge Poetry Foundation, The Hemispheric Institute, and Brooklyn Museum. Their contributions are found in American Poets, The New York Times, Buzzfeed, Asian American Literary Review, PBS News Hour, Race Forward, NYLON, The Huffington Post, Bitch Magazine, and more. Their first book was When The Chant Comes (Topside Press). More Than Organs (Sibling Rivalry Press) is their second collection. Currently, Kay lives outside of the NYC area with his jowly dog and remixes his mama’s recipes whenever possible.
This interview is real as they come y’all, so real we even start crying in the studio! Are you ready to jerk some tears? (Laughs) ok that was really corny but I know it definitely will tug at your heartstrings…
But let’s begin at the beginning, shall we? Listen in as we talk about the origin story of Kay and Biggie:
Kay: I think being disabled and in chronic pain, especially in being a trans person, that's isolation in multitude. And so I knew that I needed someone and it didn't have to be a human person, a bipedal creature to support me and sure enough my previous partner: We interviewed and found this dog through a trainer in Upstate New York and this dog, there's footage of this dog meeting me and I just I sat down outside and Biggie dopey Lab Hound jowls velvet ears extraordinaire just jumped up next to me sat down so politely and just cuddled. And I was just like, oh, that's it.
I just like, I made sure obviously that he was house-trained, and also we have an affinity is that he was a service Animal School Dropout.
Bri: Whoa.
Kay: Yeah! He's too social!
Bri: What! I didn't know that about him.
Kay: Yeah! So when he sees other dogs, like that's why walking him isn't difficult, but isn't yeah like the best--he's not the most perfect Canine Good Citizen. He wants to greet and hang out and socialize with everybody. He gets really hype! So Biggie and I started that way and at first he was splitting his time in care support in you know, if I got PTSD, if I got the shakes any of those things he would split it with my other dog, and now that I lost that previous dog, Biggie is my main man... my main team. Yeah. My number one and anybody I date anybody I befriend I have to you know, bring out the lint roller , bring out the peanut butter, give a casual orientation...
Bri: What is that orientation entail? Tell me.
Kay: I mean even with people who I host and they're my guests. I was like look, you know, my dog is very sweet and loyal and is a lover and so (whispers) he will follow you everywhere to the ends of time. I feel like even to his detriment, you know?
Bri: Yeah.
Kay: Yeah, so when you meet him, you just gotta give him a little love, positive reinforcement and that's usually by way of peanut butter cream cheese and there you go! You have literally a dog for life. Yeah, and and that's what it is and if walking is different feeding is different XYZ, but in general like he wants to lay by you and rest by you. And I'm a very, one of my love languages is physical and physical affirmation and for me that never ever always has to mean like romantic right? Like that's why people get massages. That's why people, you know, get acupuncture, like the touch, the healing touch. So I find especially when I'm in chronic pain, you know, a lot of people also like weighted blankets right into yeah, I love warmth and weighted blankets and yeah and so biggie literally will lean when I'm in high pain or in a spasm. He will just know... also when I had top surgery actually, he knew not to be in that vicinity at all.
So yeah, when we met it was just, I feel like we're very compatible Souls. Yeah and to anthropomorphize him. He's just he's at the ready like yeah, he's loyal as hell. I feel very, I feel an affinity with him because when he chooses you that's it. Yeah, he's there you have to do something pretty wacksauce honestly, pretty messed up, for him to not connect with you. But you know, he's a cuddler.
Bri: Oh, I know-- I know pretty well.
Kay: (laughs) You come over just to interact with my dog! (imitating Bri) "Be on my podcast Kay, let's talk about Biggie!"
Bri: It's not about you! It's not about you Kay! (laughs)
Kay: (laughs) No, he deserves all the shine. Yeah, he's honestly has saved my life repeatedly, not once not twice.
Bri: So you said that there's this kind of orientation that you have towards him that's you know, not romantic but still very very significant to you.
Kay: Animals leave space... like this unsaid space and interdependence that we've had particularly with dogs, right? Like I think dogs themselves the level of oxytocins are continuous well after infancy, unlike human babies where the human babies during a first, you know, that first year is like oxytocin, oxytocin, oxytocin, oxytocin party. Yeah that gradually ends-- whereas puppies..dogs they constantly... that's just what they do naturally.
Bri: Yeah, right. Yeah, and so they give off that oxytocin, right? I mean, it's just, it's inevitable Biggie, Biggie's energy is just so so contagious.
Kay: No, and I think that people, you know at you can come home from a bad day or any day, your outfit can be whack, somebody can be terrible to you and just every time you come home,
Here's a presence that just excited for you, to be you, and also excited because they know they are going to get food. There's a contract. It's very clear. It's not like humans not I feel like with my animal it's clear when I say sit. There's a hand gesture. I trained it to a click and treat. It's a contract right humans are messy. Yeah.
Bri: Tell me more about that contract right, like how do you think it's morphed over time in terms of the journey of your disability?
Kay: Hmm... I think you know I think with biggie what is really palpable with him is he's, he is so intentional and knows when somebody is upset. Like you've seen it, right? Somebody's crying, somebody shaking and he'll just... there was a time when I literally, I was talking to someone and went to like one of the bedrooms. I just started sobbing and all of a sudden boof! He smashes through the door, sits on the bed and puts his head on my lap. And that's it. Like he can sense and people say with dogs who can tell people have spasms or faint, you can't necessarily train that. They can just naturally tell through your pH balance, the way you're sweating, your chemical changes, your mood fluctuations, your sweat patterns that that's happening. He doesn't know that he's a helpful medical tool or a thoughtful support strategy. He just like this is my person. I noticed something happened to my person or this doesn't even have to be as person. It doesn't even have to be me really. All the time people come by and are upset or depressed or sad or in chronic pain and he just literally will sit there or rest his chin on the part that hurts, or lick it or pay special attention to that area. I don't, I don't think that's ever changed for the total of almost a decade.
Bri: Yeah. Wow, I'm just I'm like growing more and more in love with Biggie as this interview goes on.
Kay: (laughs)
Bri: I'm serious! Like I said, it's not about you!
Kay: I know, I know I wish I could bring him in, he would love it.
Bri: (laughs) Yeah, that would be so sweet.
Bri: There's so much that I love about Biggie. Kay and I have been good friends now for six years and throughout that entire time, Biggie was present. Even if he isn't in the room with me, Biggie survives through Kay's survival and vice versa. He's all heart: those dopey eyes that look deep inside you, the fur that always always gets on your black jeans! The way he follows you to each room and then knows exactly when to rest exactly where you need him to be. To tell you the truth, I've never had a choice in animal companionship. I'm Jamaican. So I was basically raised to think that dogs are outside animals not inside pets.
I think for a lot of disabled people even the choice and animal companionship is significant and more than likely difficult. Sometimes I think about having one and the thoughts that come to mind take time to wade through. It's like what can I handle in terms of taking care of this animal? Like how could this animal negatively or positively affect the way my MS shows up in my life? And so many questions to consider and it's sort of like a back and forth.
Biggie's helped me through so much too. He's there when I visit K and suddenly I might experience the burning pain associated with my MS. And just like Kay said Biggie comes to lay his head on my shoulder giving me something I really only receive at night: sweet compression.
Kay: Like he could carry the most gentle, smallest object and be like "here pops", you know, and it's so, (incredulously) wow to have the ability of Destruction and to always choose otherwise right? To make a choice otherwise. That's a fascinating! I guess that's how I learned to love, like he teaches me this lesson. I could do cruel things. I could do terrible things where I've internalized trauma and lash out on people. I think what's better is that I choose softness. And I see that with Biggie every time... he always chooses softness.
Bri: This is my preference. I would love a pig... and you already know this! You already know this! Pigs are so intelligent and so sweet! Yes. Yes, but that aside now they know about me.
Kay: Like I thought I was going to visit you and there would be a pot-bellied little pig.
B: There will be.
K: Do you have names?
B: His name will be Nathaniel, Nathaniel Porcinus. Just getting back to the idea, the idea of making a choice. You saying that in a way he chose you. I want to know what kind of choices you make to... to facilitate your experiences with your disability?
K: Because he's sharing so much aftercare and before care for me, I have to make sure he gets his too and that's just not with my dog. That's with anybody who is my chosen family regardless of species, you know, like so I work harder so he has better food. I work harder, every time I make money it's it's for my community and those who take care of me and that includes Biggie, right? You know like a meal for another person who's trans, and it always comes back to me and so for Biggie, I have to really consider how he's boarded. Where does he sleep? But also like, is he getting stimuli, you know? Because I'm sick and disabled, it's not like I'm like, okay Biggie. You and I, let's go for a run for three miles, especially him. He could be a scent dog or a nose dog. So he likes to find things, search for things. So I'll hide treats around. I'll train him. I'll freeze Kong toys with frozen food, we'll do a lot of tricks. He doesn't, he works for his meal in the ways that it stimulates him, right? I mean, he's always at home all the time anyway, right? So how do we engage?
Like I also don't, I live in a place that's not gentrified and it doesn't have a park or a dog park. Right? So it's not like sometimes I let him out doing a lot in grassy knolls that are enclosed. But we can't just go a dog park and let it ride, you know? So for him, I think it's really about creating tactile exercises that stimulate him mentally that get him tired. I mean that happens with humans: if we're doing tricky problem solving or intense work. And even though we've sat in a desk all day, we're still fatigued, right? All animals are the same way. So with Biggie yeah, we do a lot of training, a lot of clicker training a lot of t-o-u-c-h touches to invigorate like just his spirit but also like I said builds our bond together. So it constantly again reinforces that contract and that agreement that we have. He knows that any time there's an action there will be food.
It's very clear. Right? Like even even when he first was just like resting by me, I would click and treat it because I wanted him to know that his time is valuable and that I acknowledge his time, you know? And when he gets that positive association, then he's just like oh, yeah, this is what we do. It takes a lot for dogs to really... They're the one species who's really altered their lives for the human race, like in a way that other animals can't and other ways animals don't. Even with cats like cats are like, that glass will get you know, like I'm gonna scratch that up whatevs, you know, dogs are, dogs not necessarily appease but have had to reformulate and shape their lives for us in such a way that there's such a power dynamic that whatever I can do. If I have to give him the best food, the best bones, you know, the warmest sweaters.
B: Definitely. I completely understand now and see the, I can just feel the love that you have for for Biggie, it's just coming through this interview. What is the feeling like when you are traveling and then you come home to Biggie? What does it feel like?
K: you know, I used to be so privileged because I could take Cornbread everywhere I went. I actually did a lot of work, so panels, he would fall asleep with me, we would go on the train, on the plane. And so I was really hoping to get a dog in that way but, you know service animals are anywhere from ten to twenty five thousand dollars. There's a priority waiting list for people who are deaf and blind, there's a waiting list priority for people who are vets. Right? So if you don't have that money, you don't have those experiences... You're kind of in trouble to get somebody who is trained for full service. So when I got Biggie, I was hoping he could do full service and he can't travel with me which was a heartbreak, but I think coming home to Biggie is that's how I know I'm home! That's, I mean, I miss him as much as I miss my bed, right? I think, I think this is to say he's a family member and I miss him like a family member. And also so when I'm traveling away, and I have a rider and I have needs of self-care or aftercare, you know before a set. I'm doing a lecture for an hour, then a workshop for two hours. And then I'm meeting with faculty and staff. I don't have Biggie there! I don't! So, you know, what do I get for more tactile physical attention? Hey, a massage maybe, or eating exceptionally good, that's what I have to do because it's compensating for his absence! Like his contributions are so big, are huge. And so when I come home, it's that replenishment. I think for both of us really.
He's gotten this thing that I'm worried about actually, that he has anxiety when I leave? Separation anxiety. And it's not been big but you know when I leave he'll go (whimpers like a dog) you know, and he'll just slump down. I think we both understand like, and he knows the code as well. So if he sees us packing luggage and putting things away, he's like, oh it's coming. He knows it and I always have to give him a big treat and a big bone to transition through that shift, right? Because he doesn't know time. Every time I leave, I'm leaving. Right? He doesn't know this is for two days, an afternoon, but he can tell the physical signs. Okay, if there's luggage if it's just a book bag, ah Pops is just going to work, you know? There's no book bag at all? Oh, he's just gonna go out for a little bit, hang out with Bri, do whatever, do whatever and come back home. But if there's luggage... and he sees me packing and the more intense that process is. He knows it's, he can intuit that it might be a longer time. So when he, when I come home, it's like Jubilation every time, wiggly butt, big tail, excitement.
Anybody who knows who comes over my house and meets Biggie. Like you feel like you are the Supreme when you arrive. He has been waiting for you, to breathe and it's just, also me as a service top. He teaches me again how to give that same kind of ecstatic to the ones I love right? Like to be that jubilant and that giving and that affirming.
B: Yeah, I mean thinking about who we come home to, like what we come home to, and how that's reflected in us. Like I just find it so fascinating that he's actually sort of trained your mind on how to love like you said. How to love, that's absolutely beautiful. I think something that maybe people don't understand is the, is the idea that the bond between a companion animal and a disabled pet parent is so much stronger. Tell me more about that.
K: I really think that you know, there's an interdependence that happens with the dog or with any animal. I don't care of your animal's a goat. I don't care (laughs). It's just, It's beyond my best friend. He's he knows my body when...(pauses) It's most in pain. (they start to cry)
So I think he stays, humans go (laughs) and maybe as a disability justice advocate I'm not supposed to say that, but animals one because you know, he doesn't have the option to leave. But pero like he could easily one day just be like I actually don't want to lean into you... I don't give a fuck about how you treat me. But he is persistent, consistent and there's a structure. and when you are in in workers comp or SSDI in the whole world like the medical complex just takes you down, (sobs) There's a dog who be there for you and you can't rely on people the same way, because we're people. Because there's so much systemic oppression happening, I can't rely on the same consistency. That's impossible, that's inhumane to ask my chosen family, partners, mentors etc. And for some reason with a bond with a dog, that's what that is.
(BREAK with thought-provoking music)
K: This next poem is called "sick for sick". And this is for sick disabled queer people who love each other, and it does have to be romantic: It's just Kindred. So this is for spoonies out there. "Sick 4 Sick"
Her body patched, swollen skin, hair flecks gone rogue, mismatch knees, ache knits quilt through out. Curvature, a soft thing.
She said if we hum close, close enough that our chests touch, shared breath comes from belly up,
—that, that is not platonic.
Now breathe same air, nostril kinetic by way of brow cleft pirouette of migraine. Syllables twirl temples. Strain is something to lull here, together.
When nerves are ablaze, I’m told to be blanket. Lay my torso on hers, abdomen to abdomen, core to core, is this what a field does to a hill,
spill it with poppies? I wait on her skill. How she will sigh. The human body is heating pad. Limbs bonfire, flip sheets, you can’t reverse sick. Today we don’t want to. Chests pulse softest lake.
Come spring we never do this again. There’s only memory of it, how her lungs cathedral. How I prayed there, on the ledge of inhale sternum sacred, coughed hymn, spasm luminescence.
Syllables stretched, muscled
sacrament more than splay, us, petals in overlap us, an ampersand on fire.
B:Yes. Yes Kay! (snaps fingers three times in praise)
That was Kay's performance of "Sick for Sick", just one of the amazing poems in their arsenal. Now, let's get back into the interview.
K: I don't feel that Biggie gets compassion fatigue (chuckles). He I really generally think he generates more energy, being present and cuddling with me. If I'm like, yo, I'm in bed, if I sleep in, can't move, can't get food, in chronic pain or super depression. He's like, all right... we'll just stay in bed. That's cool. And he knows I have to take him out eventually. So then in that interaction, I have to get up right? Like I have to get some fresh air, a little. You know? I have to feed someone else, that kind of responsibility helps me refocus my own tasks and I don't know if that's the same for able-bodied folks. I need a ritual and a rhythm that exists beyond the medical industrial complex, right? And he can ground me.
With my previous dog cornbread, my previous dog cornbread loveD me just the same. Super fit, able-bodied, skinny, going to the gym, hoo-ha, hoo-ha, and when I became disabled disabled and in bed care, I couldn't move for nothing-- Cornbread loved me just the same. We train just then from the bed, right? So it's more about the person beyond the architectural confines of ableism. Right they're just like, how's the person doing? It's that they meet you where you are. And you meet them where they are.
When you train a dog, the first thing a dog trainer tells somebody and this is again with either a canine good citizen to a service animal, like you're training the dog for success. You don't push the dog ever. If you hyper push a dog, then you fail, you failed that task. You always want to set a dog up for success and to think! As humans, if somebody came up to us as a small young person, for me a young person of color who grew up poor like and the approach to teaching me and guiding me and being my friend or a mentor or what have you in any relationship was, we're here so that you're successful. Right? (incredulously) What a concept! You know what I'm saying? I just will do as much as you want to do to what you want to do and from then we'll develop and we want you to succeed. And I think when you're training a dog as a sick person or disabled person it gives you a new language. It gives it clarity. Again the medical industrial complex, you are constantly coordinating, running about getting different ideas, body shaming, people telling you you're not disabled, people telling you you're not in pain. They're all undermining your truth. With your animal as you're moving through your animal. These are facts. Yeah, when you sit we've trained you so many times with this one hand gesture with the same delicious delicious food. That's what happens. It is proven data. This is what happens. There's something sweet about that. There's something safe.
Before Biggie enters and leaves a room. What does he do? He stretches. He shakes it off and he stretches. Simple gesture. Imagine, If before we had interactions, we were just like stretch it out. Imagine if before dinner before or after interactions hard or soft that we just like shook it off, dry bathed it out right? Just these simple things where he does things subconsciously without knowing. I really secretly model my own practice and like yeah, when was the last time I like? Oh let me see. Oh goodness. Okay. I'm I'm ready to have a new conversation, to connect with new people or to struggle with hard concepts or to be challenged. Right?
I think I think also what he's taught me is that you have to always be fed. You have to always be nourished. If we're not getting food, if we're not getting water, if we're not in a safe warm place to sleep, then there's a problem, right? And that's for a lot of black indigenous POC and non-binary queer people who are disabled or who are spoonies who have chronic pain, like we are not getting our basics. That's it!
I want a place where who I am, who you are, who Biggie is, is uplifted for who we are. We're not trying to chase a model that persists to be something else. Things can pivot and change, not all animals are cut and paste, not all communities are cut and paste, you know, and I think that's important to acknowledge when we're thinking about Liberation when we're thinking about what Justice feels like. like it's important to have guiding principles and agreements and also, disability has taught me to learn to pivot in a way that I don't think able-bodied people know how to pivot. Because we're constantly asked to be something else or do something else or to be fixed. And so I have had to learn to move and pivot for myself and also to embrace myself at once and I think the connection with Biggie does that.
I'm in marathons trying to prove myself everywhere else. I feel as disabled people we, I feel we have a tendency, you know because we have to code switch, and talk to medical industrial complex, or talk to legal space or talk to the state and obviously that's exacerbated by transness by Blackness by migration right? By body size. So for me like with Biggie, I've learned that we can create a communication that's a guideline and that he pivots so if I, you know if I'm too spooned out cool. I can go for a walk, four, maybe five, six blocks, cool. We learn to pivot with the moment and I think that's what needs to happen with Justice work too. I feel like that's a really tangible principle of Disability Justice, is like whole body, your whole life, your whole body. All bodies are worthy. All bodies are valuable, all bodies have needs right? If we're quoting Sins Invalid and we're talking about Disability Justice principles. Yeah, bring all your body, all yourself and everyone has needs.
B: My last question is something I always ask people. So considering the fact that this is about companion animals... What do you think is Biggie's disabled power?
K: I think his disabled power. Hmm.
I think he has a lot of anxiety and I think part of that is, so he is very vigilant his anxiety, has taught him. You know, I found him at a shelter. For whatever reason, whether his person died or had to give him up, there has to be some loss there, right? He lost a person. He's he didn't just learn to be just cuddly with me. I'm not his first person and I don't take that for granted. I think his disability power is his ability to ascertain other people's anxiety. I think his ability to be in parallel, or in concert, or to support other people's anxiety. And you know again, it's that trauma of leaving, whatever that is for him? I mean again, we don't speak the same language, so I'm completely anthropomorphizing and completely speculating, but I do think he is just so in tune with somebody who's in emotional pain. That's just fascinating to me.
His level of compassion is yeah, honestly, I don't think I have that same magnitude. So, you know big props to my dog or to anybody else who has to do service work all day every day to humans and animals who are doing service work all day every day because that is its own fatigue, but also its own magic.
B: Is there anything else you'd like to say?
K: if you're interested in my work: Check me out at brownroundboi and boi spelled B-O-I, B as in brain. O, I.
B: Now that we are living through a pandemic, so many questions are on my mind: What does survival look like for a Black disabled nonbinary person look like me? Well it ain’t easy… Most days I go from feeling bitter that able-bodied people are now able to see the ways in which interdependence and mutual aid works... to hopeful for a major cultural shift in the way that we work towards our care and wellbeing.
Speaking of care, we need a massive shift towards Collective Care. What’s that? Well it’s all about fostering safety and trust, reliance and investment in people, and affirmation and encouragement. There’s no shame in asking for help, as it runs counter to how things are done in other industries such as the Non-Profit Industrial Complex and Medical Industrial Complex.
It’s all about this following question: How do you bring your full self?
These are the ways disabled people have functioned in capitalist society since it began. What we are dealing with now is what disabled people of color specifically have long feared when dealing with the systemic oppression that is inherent within government institutions and it’s what bars us from living our truest selves.
I remember it really hitting me during the interview when Kay was like, in dog training the first thing a new owner learns is how to set a dog up for success. The idea of failing a dog was so new to me that I really had to sit on how the metaphor translates to our own lives as humans. What if we did have a cultural shift that included turning the idea of success and survival on its head?
To me, survival is about breathing, seeking, and thriving through abundant community. Basic needs are accounted for, and there is intentionality behind care especially extended to disabled folks. A world that prioritizes wellness over productivity and capital. (pauses) Think about that.
Remote work and virtual accessibility is finally being normalized due to Covid-19, but we need to be having conversations that center disabled people of color. There are going to be people who are grieving, there will be dealing with varying degrees of mental illness, and there will be people who will become disabled as a result of what is going on. Now that the systemic silence is broken, the world needs to listen to us cuz we are the ones who will shape the new future that is to come.
Thanks so much homie for coming on the show! Your stories about the brilliance of Biggie’s presence was a blessing! Kay’s book, More Than Organs is out now on Sibling Rivalry Press! Check them out on @brownroundboi on all social media handles.
Thanks to Aurielle for creating "The Quarantine Reading Series" which featured the poem you heard in this episode. Kay tenderly brought the house down with their performance, cuz they’re a tender guy. (laughs) Music was by samueloak899 and waveplay.
Wanna keep up with the latest on everything Power Not Pity?? I know you do! Well check out www.powernotpity.com. I’m a Twitter prince so I stay @powernotpity. But it’s the same for my Instagram and Facebook page too.
If you want a little more crip love in your life, become a patron of the show! You’ll get a shoutout, a chance to vote on a future guest, and you’ll have access to extra videos that I post infrequently cuz what is time even anymore… (chuckles) You can find my Patreon at www.patreon.com/powernotpity! But yeah, thanks so much for listening and stay tuned for more Power Not Pity next month!
(Sounds of Biggie breathing can be heard while Kay says “Good Boy”. )
End.
Theme Chant: Power power power not pity pity pity, power power power not pity pity pity.
Bri: Welcome to Power Not Pity-- a podcast all about amplifying the lives and loves of disabled people of color.
This is all about creating safe spaces to pass the mic. I'm Bri M. and the show is back for a brand new season! Brand new season, brand new energy! I'm so excited to share this next batch of stories y'all, they are so vibrant! But before I begin, I have to do something dear to my heart. That's thanking all the people who support me on Patreon.
It's been awhile, but since the first season ended I've had so many wonderful people come through and drop some coin into my pocket every month.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to Jen Lin, Alyssa Storrs, Ashley Stephen, Avren Keating, Keiko Wright, Laura Flanders, JB Brager, Jessica Lewis, Laura Mintz, LaTony Alvarado-Rivera, Fran Odette, Erica Knox, Charlie Garcia-Spiegel, Homoground, Dylan Marron, ChaNell, Selina Pishori, Ryan Easterly, Sylvia Nowak, Jennifer Miller-Smith, Ashley Taylor, Orion Stephanie Johnstone, Kevin Makice, Katie Newhouse, Abigail Savitch-Lew, and Samiyah Amatullah Foster.
All of you mean so much to me because your pledge symbolizes your commitment to helping me build my dreams of empowering disabled people of color in mass media. If you dear listener, like the show and want a little extra access to the show: check out my Patreon account! That's patreon.com slash power not pity.
This season, I'm going to explore the idea of survival. I think it's just the right time to start talking about this idea. So many disabled people I know have this concept on their minds for practically all their lives, you know, but since the beginning of the pandemic disabled people have shared their experiences and knowledge and truth that the world online.
So I'm going to be talking about survival... Survival. What does survival actually look like for disabled people of color during this time? What do we need? And what are we currently entitled to that the state does not allow us to have? What has systemic oppression and white supremacy denied us?
And what have we carved out for ourselves?
The season is going to range from dogs, to art and activism, to music and more. This first episode, "Our Companion Animals, Our Selves" is special because it's a new beginning but it's even more special because it features my homie, my best friend, Kay Ulanday Barrett and their dog Biggie!! Although we're going to talk about our lives together, this episode is really focused on their dog because I think our pets have the power to keep us surviving, thriving and breathing our next breath as we stroke and cuddle and dance in quarantine with our beloveds. So let me tell you a little bit about this amazing human Kay:
Named one of 9 Transgender and Gender Nonconforming Writers You Should Know by Vogue, KAY ULANDAY BARRETT aka @Brownroundboi is a poet, performer, and cultural strategist. K. has featured at The Lincoln Center, The U.N., Symphony Space, Princeton University, Tucson Poetry Festival, NY Poetry Festival, The Dodge Poetry Foundation, The Hemispheric Institute, and Brooklyn Museum. Their contributions are found in American Poets, The New York Times, Buzzfeed, Asian American Literary Review, PBS News Hour, Race Forward, NYLON, The Huffington Post, Bitch Magazine, and more. Their first book was When The Chant Comes (Topside Press). More Than Organs (Sibling Rivalry Press) is their second collection. Currently, Kay lives outside of the NYC area with his jowly dog and remixes his mama’s recipes whenever possible.
This interview is real as they come y’all, so real we even start crying in the studio! Are you ready to jerk some tears? (Laughs) ok that was really corny but I know it definitely will tug at your heartstrings…
But let’s begin at the beginning, shall we? Listen in as we talk about the origin story of Kay and Biggie:
Kay: I think being disabled and in chronic pain, especially in being a trans person, that's isolation in multitude. And so I knew that I needed someone and it didn't have to be a human person, a bipedal creature to support me and sure enough my previous partner: We interviewed and found this dog through a trainer in Upstate New York and this dog, there's footage of this dog meeting me and I just I sat down outside and Biggie dopey Lab Hound jowls velvet ears extraordinaire just jumped up next to me sat down so politely and just cuddled. And I was just like, oh, that's it.
I just like, I made sure obviously that he was house-trained, and also we have an affinity is that he was a service Animal School Dropout.
Bri: Whoa.
Kay: Yeah! He's too social!
Bri: What! I didn't know that about him.
Kay: Yeah! So when he sees other dogs, like that's why walking him isn't difficult, but isn't yeah like the best--he's not the most perfect Canine Good Citizen. He wants to greet and hang out and socialize with everybody. He gets really hype! So Biggie and I started that way and at first he was splitting his time in care support in you know, if I got PTSD, if I got the shakes any of those things he would split it with my other dog, and now that I lost that previous dog, Biggie is my main man... my main team. Yeah. My number one and anybody I date anybody I befriend I have to you know, bring out the lint roller , bring out the peanut butter, give a casual orientation...
Bri: What is that orientation entail? Tell me.
Kay: I mean even with people who I host and they're my guests. I was like look, you know, my dog is very sweet and loyal and is a lover and so (whispers) he will follow you everywhere to the ends of time. I feel like even to his detriment, you know?
Bri: Yeah.
Kay: Yeah, so when you meet him, you just gotta give him a little love, positive reinforcement and that's usually by way of peanut butter cream cheese and there you go! You have literally a dog for life. Yeah, and and that's what it is and if walking is different feeding is different XYZ, but in general like he wants to lay by you and rest by you. And I'm a very, one of my love languages is physical and physical affirmation and for me that never ever always has to mean like romantic right? Like that's why people get massages. That's why people, you know, get acupuncture, like the touch, the healing touch. So I find especially when I'm in chronic pain, you know, a lot of people also like weighted blankets right into yeah, I love warmth and weighted blankets and yeah and so biggie literally will lean when I'm in high pain or in a spasm. He will just know... also when I had top surgery actually, he knew not to be in that vicinity at all.
So yeah, when we met it was just, I feel like we're very compatible Souls. Yeah and to anthropomorphize him. He's just he's at the ready like yeah, he's loyal as hell. I feel very, I feel an affinity with him because when he chooses you that's it. Yeah, he's there you have to do something pretty wacksauce honestly, pretty messed up, for him to not connect with you. But you know, he's a cuddler.
Bri: Oh, I know-- I know pretty well.
Kay: (laughs) You come over just to interact with my dog! (imitating Bri) "Be on my podcast Kay, let's talk about Biggie!"
Bri: It's not about you! It's not about you Kay! (laughs)
Kay: (laughs) No, he deserves all the shine. Yeah, he's honestly has saved my life repeatedly, not once not twice.
Bri: So you said that there's this kind of orientation that you have towards him that's you know, not romantic but still very very significant to you.
Kay: Animals leave space... like this unsaid space and interdependence that we've had particularly with dogs, right? Like I think dogs themselves the level of oxytocins are continuous well after infancy, unlike human babies where the human babies during a first, you know, that first year is like oxytocin, oxytocin, oxytocin, oxytocin party. Yeah that gradually ends-- whereas puppies..dogs they constantly... that's just what they do naturally.
Bri: Yeah, right. Yeah, and so they give off that oxytocin, right? I mean, it's just, it's inevitable Biggie, Biggie's energy is just so so contagious.
Kay: No, and I think that people, you know at you can come home from a bad day or any day, your outfit can be whack, somebody can be terrible to you and just every time you come home,
Here's a presence that just excited for you, to be you, and also excited because they know they are going to get food. There's a contract. It's very clear. It's not like humans not I feel like with my animal it's clear when I say sit. There's a hand gesture. I trained it to a click and treat. It's a contract right humans are messy. Yeah.
Bri: Tell me more about that contract right, like how do you think it's morphed over time in terms of the journey of your disability?
Kay: Hmm... I think you know I think with biggie what is really palpable with him is he's, he is so intentional and knows when somebody is upset. Like you've seen it, right? Somebody's crying, somebody shaking and he'll just... there was a time when I literally, I was talking to someone and went to like one of the bedrooms. I just started sobbing and all of a sudden boof! He smashes through the door, sits on the bed and puts his head on my lap. And that's it. Like he can sense and people say with dogs who can tell people have spasms or faint, you can't necessarily train that. They can just naturally tell through your pH balance, the way you're sweating, your chemical changes, your mood fluctuations, your sweat patterns that that's happening. He doesn't know that he's a helpful medical tool or a thoughtful support strategy. He just like this is my person. I noticed something happened to my person or this doesn't even have to be as person. It doesn't even have to be me really. All the time people come by and are upset or depressed or sad or in chronic pain and he just literally will sit there or rest his chin on the part that hurts, or lick it or pay special attention to that area. I don't, I don't think that's ever changed for the total of almost a decade.
Bri: Yeah. Wow, I'm just I'm like growing more and more in love with Biggie as this interview goes on.
Kay: (laughs)
Bri: I'm serious! Like I said, it's not about you!
Kay: I know, I know I wish I could bring him in, he would love it.
Bri: (laughs) Yeah, that would be so sweet.
Bri: There's so much that I love about Biggie. Kay and I have been good friends now for six years and throughout that entire time, Biggie was present. Even if he isn't in the room with me, Biggie survives through Kay's survival and vice versa. He's all heart: those dopey eyes that look deep inside you, the fur that always always gets on your black jeans! The way he follows you to each room and then knows exactly when to rest exactly where you need him to be. To tell you the truth, I've never had a choice in animal companionship. I'm Jamaican. So I was basically raised to think that dogs are outside animals not inside pets.
I think for a lot of disabled people even the choice and animal companionship is significant and more than likely difficult. Sometimes I think about having one and the thoughts that come to mind take time to wade through. It's like what can I handle in terms of taking care of this animal? Like how could this animal negatively or positively affect the way my MS shows up in my life? And so many questions to consider and it's sort of like a back and forth.
Biggie's helped me through so much too. He's there when I visit K and suddenly I might experience the burning pain associated with my MS. And just like Kay said Biggie comes to lay his head on my shoulder giving me something I really only receive at night: sweet compression.
Kay: Like he could carry the most gentle, smallest object and be like "here pops", you know, and it's so, (incredulously) wow to have the ability of Destruction and to always choose otherwise right? To make a choice otherwise. That's a fascinating! I guess that's how I learned to love, like he teaches me this lesson. I could do cruel things. I could do terrible things where I've internalized trauma and lash out on people. I think what's better is that I choose softness. And I see that with Biggie every time... he always chooses softness.
Bri: This is my preference. I would love a pig... and you already know this! You already know this! Pigs are so intelligent and so sweet! Yes. Yes, but that aside now they know about me.
Kay: Like I thought I was going to visit you and there would be a pot-bellied little pig.
B: There will be.
K: Do you have names?
B: His name will be Nathaniel, Nathaniel Porcinus. Just getting back to the idea, the idea of making a choice. You saying that in a way he chose you. I want to know what kind of choices you make to... to facilitate your experiences with your disability?
K: Because he's sharing so much aftercare and before care for me, I have to make sure he gets his too and that's just not with my dog. That's with anybody who is my chosen family regardless of species, you know, like so I work harder so he has better food. I work harder, every time I make money it's it's for my community and those who take care of me and that includes Biggie, right? You know like a meal for another person who's trans, and it always comes back to me and so for Biggie, I have to really consider how he's boarded. Where does he sleep? But also like, is he getting stimuli, you know? Because I'm sick and disabled, it's not like I'm like, okay Biggie. You and I, let's go for a run for three miles, especially him. He could be a scent dog or a nose dog. So he likes to find things, search for things. So I'll hide treats around. I'll train him. I'll freeze Kong toys with frozen food, we'll do a lot of tricks. He doesn't, he works for his meal in the ways that it stimulates him, right? I mean, he's always at home all the time anyway, right? So how do we engage?
Like I also don't, I live in a place that's not gentrified and it doesn't have a park or a dog park. Right? So it's not like sometimes I let him out doing a lot in grassy knolls that are enclosed. But we can't just go a dog park and let it ride, you know? So for him, I think it's really about creating tactile exercises that stimulate him mentally that get him tired. I mean that happens with humans: if we're doing tricky problem solving or intense work. And even though we've sat in a desk all day, we're still fatigued, right? All animals are the same way. So with Biggie yeah, we do a lot of training, a lot of clicker training a lot of t-o-u-c-h touches to invigorate like just his spirit but also like I said builds our bond together. So it constantly again reinforces that contract and that agreement that we have. He knows that any time there's an action there will be food.
It's very clear. Right? Like even even when he first was just like resting by me, I would click and treat it because I wanted him to know that his time is valuable and that I acknowledge his time, you know? And when he gets that positive association, then he's just like oh, yeah, this is what we do. It takes a lot for dogs to really... They're the one species who's really altered their lives for the human race, like in a way that other animals can't and other ways animals don't. Even with cats like cats are like, that glass will get you know, like I'm gonna scratch that up whatevs, you know, dogs are, dogs not necessarily appease but have had to reformulate and shape their lives for us in such a way that there's such a power dynamic that whatever I can do. If I have to give him the best food, the best bones, you know, the warmest sweaters.
B: Definitely. I completely understand now and see the, I can just feel the love that you have for for Biggie, it's just coming through this interview. What is the feeling like when you are traveling and then you come home to Biggie? What does it feel like?
K: you know, I used to be so privileged because I could take Cornbread everywhere I went. I actually did a lot of work, so panels, he would fall asleep with me, we would go on the train, on the plane. And so I was really hoping to get a dog in that way but, you know service animals are anywhere from ten to twenty five thousand dollars. There's a priority waiting list for people who are deaf and blind, there's a waiting list priority for people who are vets. Right? So if you don't have that money, you don't have those experiences... You're kind of in trouble to get somebody who is trained for full service. So when I got Biggie, I was hoping he could do full service and he can't travel with me which was a heartbreak, but I think coming home to Biggie is that's how I know I'm home! That's, I mean, I miss him as much as I miss my bed, right? I think, I think this is to say he's a family member and I miss him like a family member. And also so when I'm traveling away, and I have a rider and I have needs of self-care or aftercare, you know before a set. I'm doing a lecture for an hour, then a workshop for two hours. And then I'm meeting with faculty and staff. I don't have Biggie there! I don't! So, you know, what do I get for more tactile physical attention? Hey, a massage maybe, or eating exceptionally good, that's what I have to do because it's compensating for his absence! Like his contributions are so big, are huge. And so when I come home, it's that replenishment. I think for both of us really.
He's gotten this thing that I'm worried about actually, that he has anxiety when I leave? Separation anxiety. And it's not been big but you know when I leave he'll go (whimpers like a dog) you know, and he'll just slump down. I think we both understand like, and he knows the code as well. So if he sees us packing luggage and putting things away, he's like, oh it's coming. He knows it and I always have to give him a big treat and a big bone to transition through that shift, right? Because he doesn't know time. Every time I leave, I'm leaving. Right? He doesn't know this is for two days, an afternoon, but he can tell the physical signs. Okay, if there's luggage if it's just a book bag, ah Pops is just going to work, you know? There's no book bag at all? Oh, he's just gonna go out for a little bit, hang out with Bri, do whatever, do whatever and come back home. But if there's luggage... and he sees me packing and the more intense that process is. He knows it's, he can intuit that it might be a longer time. So when he, when I come home, it's like Jubilation every time, wiggly butt, big tail, excitement.
Anybody who knows who comes over my house and meets Biggie. Like you feel like you are the Supreme when you arrive. He has been waiting for you, to breathe and it's just, also me as a service top. He teaches me again how to give that same kind of ecstatic to the ones I love right? Like to be that jubilant and that giving and that affirming.
B: Yeah, I mean thinking about who we come home to, like what we come home to, and how that's reflected in us. Like I just find it so fascinating that he's actually sort of trained your mind on how to love like you said. How to love, that's absolutely beautiful. I think something that maybe people don't understand is the, is the idea that the bond between a companion animal and a disabled pet parent is so much stronger. Tell me more about that.
K: I really think that you know, there's an interdependence that happens with the dog or with any animal. I don't care of your animal's a goat. I don't care (laughs). It's just, It's beyond my best friend. He's he knows my body when...(pauses) It's most in pain. (they start to cry)
So I think he stays, humans go (laughs) and maybe as a disability justice advocate I'm not supposed to say that, but animals one because you know, he doesn't have the option to leave. But pero like he could easily one day just be like I actually don't want to lean into you... I don't give a fuck about how you treat me. But he is persistent, consistent and there's a structure. and when you are in in workers comp or SSDI in the whole world like the medical complex just takes you down, (sobs) There's a dog who be there for you and you can't rely on people the same way, because we're people. Because there's so much systemic oppression happening, I can't rely on the same consistency. That's impossible, that's inhumane to ask my chosen family, partners, mentors etc. And for some reason with a bond with a dog, that's what that is.
(BREAK with thought-provoking music)
K: This next poem is called "sick for sick". And this is for sick disabled queer people who love each other, and it does have to be romantic: It's just Kindred. So this is for spoonies out there. "Sick 4 Sick"
Her body patched, swollen skin, hair flecks gone rogue, mismatch knees, ache knits quilt through out. Curvature, a soft thing.
She said if we hum close, close enough that our chests touch, shared breath comes from belly up,
—that, that is not platonic.
Now breathe same air, nostril kinetic by way of brow cleft pirouette of migraine. Syllables twirl temples. Strain is something to lull here, together.
When nerves are ablaze, I’m told to be blanket. Lay my torso on hers, abdomen to abdomen, core to core, is this what a field does to a hill,
spill it with poppies? I wait on her skill. How she will sigh. The human body is heating pad. Limbs bonfire, flip sheets, you can’t reverse sick. Today we don’t want to. Chests pulse softest lake.
Come spring we never do this again. There’s only memory of it, how her lungs cathedral. How I prayed there, on the ledge of inhale sternum sacred, coughed hymn, spasm luminescence.
Syllables stretched, muscled
sacrament more than splay, us, petals in overlap us, an ampersand on fire.
B:Yes. Yes Kay! (snaps fingers three times in praise)
That was Kay's performance of "Sick for Sick", just one of the amazing poems in their arsenal. Now, let's get back into the interview.
K: I don't feel that Biggie gets compassion fatigue (chuckles). He I really generally think he generates more energy, being present and cuddling with me. If I'm like, yo, I'm in bed, if I sleep in, can't move, can't get food, in chronic pain or super depression. He's like, all right... we'll just stay in bed. That's cool. And he knows I have to take him out eventually. So then in that interaction, I have to get up right? Like I have to get some fresh air, a little. You know? I have to feed someone else, that kind of responsibility helps me refocus my own tasks and I don't know if that's the same for able-bodied folks. I need a ritual and a rhythm that exists beyond the medical industrial complex, right? And he can ground me.
With my previous dog cornbread, my previous dog cornbread loveD me just the same. Super fit, able-bodied, skinny, going to the gym, hoo-ha, hoo-ha, and when I became disabled disabled and in bed care, I couldn't move for nothing-- Cornbread loved me just the same. We train just then from the bed, right? So it's more about the person beyond the architectural confines of ableism. Right they're just like, how's the person doing? It's that they meet you where you are. And you meet them where they are.
When you train a dog, the first thing a dog trainer tells somebody and this is again with either a canine good citizen to a service animal, like you're training the dog for success. You don't push the dog ever. If you hyper push a dog, then you fail, you failed that task. You always want to set a dog up for success and to think! As humans, if somebody came up to us as a small young person, for me a young person of color who grew up poor like and the approach to teaching me and guiding me and being my friend or a mentor or what have you in any relationship was, we're here so that you're successful. Right? (incredulously) What a concept! You know what I'm saying? I just will do as much as you want to do to what you want to do and from then we'll develop and we want you to succeed. And I think when you're training a dog as a sick person or disabled person it gives you a new language. It gives it clarity. Again the medical industrial complex, you are constantly coordinating, running about getting different ideas, body shaming, people telling you you're not disabled, people telling you you're not in pain. They're all undermining your truth. With your animal as you're moving through your animal. These are facts. Yeah, when you sit we've trained you so many times with this one hand gesture with the same delicious delicious food. That's what happens. It is proven data. This is what happens. There's something sweet about that. There's something safe.
Before Biggie enters and leaves a room. What does he do? He stretches. He shakes it off and he stretches. Simple gesture. Imagine, If before we had interactions, we were just like stretch it out. Imagine if before dinner before or after interactions hard or soft that we just like shook it off, dry bathed it out right? Just these simple things where he does things subconsciously without knowing. I really secretly model my own practice and like yeah, when was the last time I like? Oh let me see. Oh goodness. Okay. I'm I'm ready to have a new conversation, to connect with new people or to struggle with hard concepts or to be challenged. Right?
I think I think also what he's taught me is that you have to always be fed. You have to always be nourished. If we're not getting food, if we're not getting water, if we're not in a safe warm place to sleep, then there's a problem, right? And that's for a lot of black indigenous POC and non-binary queer people who are disabled or who are spoonies who have chronic pain, like we are not getting our basics. That's it!
I want a place where who I am, who you are, who Biggie is, is uplifted for who we are. We're not trying to chase a model that persists to be something else. Things can pivot and change, not all animals are cut and paste, not all communities are cut and paste, you know, and I think that's important to acknowledge when we're thinking about Liberation when we're thinking about what Justice feels like. like it's important to have guiding principles and agreements and also, disability has taught me to learn to pivot in a way that I don't think able-bodied people know how to pivot. Because we're constantly asked to be something else or do something else or to be fixed. And so I have had to learn to move and pivot for myself and also to embrace myself at once and I think the connection with Biggie does that.
I'm in marathons trying to prove myself everywhere else. I feel as disabled people we, I feel we have a tendency, you know because we have to code switch, and talk to medical industrial complex, or talk to legal space or talk to the state and obviously that's exacerbated by transness by Blackness by migration right? By body size. So for me like with Biggie, I've learned that we can create a communication that's a guideline and that he pivots so if I, you know if I'm too spooned out cool. I can go for a walk, four, maybe five, six blocks, cool. We learn to pivot with the moment and I think that's what needs to happen with Justice work too. I feel like that's a really tangible principle of Disability Justice, is like whole body, your whole life, your whole body. All bodies are worthy. All bodies are valuable, all bodies have needs right? If we're quoting Sins Invalid and we're talking about Disability Justice principles. Yeah, bring all your body, all yourself and everyone has needs.
B: My last question is something I always ask people. So considering the fact that this is about companion animals... What do you think is Biggie's disabled power?
K: I think his disabled power. Hmm.
I think he has a lot of anxiety and I think part of that is, so he is very vigilant his anxiety, has taught him. You know, I found him at a shelter. For whatever reason, whether his person died or had to give him up, there has to be some loss there, right? He lost a person. He's he didn't just learn to be just cuddly with me. I'm not his first person and I don't take that for granted. I think his disability power is his ability to ascertain other people's anxiety. I think his ability to be in parallel, or in concert, or to support other people's anxiety. And you know again, it's that trauma of leaving, whatever that is for him? I mean again, we don't speak the same language, so I'm completely anthropomorphizing and completely speculating, but I do think he is just so in tune with somebody who's in emotional pain. That's just fascinating to me.
His level of compassion is yeah, honestly, I don't think I have that same magnitude. So, you know big props to my dog or to anybody else who has to do service work all day every day to humans and animals who are doing service work all day every day because that is its own fatigue, but also its own magic.
B: Is there anything else you'd like to say?
K: if you're interested in my work: Check me out at brownroundboi and boi spelled B-O-I, B as in brain. O, I.
B: Now that we are living through a pandemic, so many questions are on my mind: What does survival look like for a Black disabled nonbinary person look like me? Well it ain’t easy… Most days I go from feeling bitter that able-bodied people are now able to see the ways in which interdependence and mutual aid works... to hopeful for a major cultural shift in the way that we work towards our care and wellbeing.
Speaking of care, we need a massive shift towards Collective Care. What’s that? Well it’s all about fostering safety and trust, reliance and investment in people, and affirmation and encouragement. There’s no shame in asking for help, as it runs counter to how things are done in other industries such as the Non-Profit Industrial Complex and Medical Industrial Complex.
It’s all about this following question: How do you bring your full self?
These are the ways disabled people have functioned in capitalist society since it began. What we are dealing with now is what disabled people of color specifically have long feared when dealing with the systemic oppression that is inherent within government institutions and it’s what bars us from living our truest selves.
I remember it really hitting me during the interview when Kay was like, in dog training the first thing a new owner learns is how to set a dog up for success. The idea of failing a dog was so new to me that I really had to sit on how the metaphor translates to our own lives as humans. What if we did have a cultural shift that included turning the idea of success and survival on its head?
To me, survival is about breathing, seeking, and thriving through abundant community. Basic needs are accounted for, and there is intentionality behind care especially extended to disabled folks. A world that prioritizes wellness over productivity and capital. (pauses) Think about that.
Remote work and virtual accessibility is finally being normalized due to Covid-19, but we need to be having conversations that center disabled people of color. There are going to be people who are grieving, there will be dealing with varying degrees of mental illness, and there will be people who will become disabled as a result of what is going on. Now that the systemic silence is broken, the world needs to listen to us cuz we are the ones who will shape the new future that is to come.
Thanks so much homie for coming on the show! Your stories about the brilliance of Biggie’s presence was a blessing! Kay’s book, More Than Organs is out now on Sibling Rivalry Press! Check them out on @brownroundboi on all social media handles.
Thanks to Aurielle for creating "The Quarantine Reading Series" which featured the poem you heard in this episode. Kay tenderly brought the house down with their performance, cuz they’re a tender guy. (laughs) Music was by samueloak899 and waveplay.
Wanna keep up with the latest on everything Power Not Pity?? I know you do! Well check out www.powernotpity.com. I’m a Twitter prince so I stay @powernotpity. But it’s the same for my Instagram and Facebook page too.
If you want a little more crip love in your life, become a patron of the show! You’ll get a shoutout, a chance to vote on a future guest, and you’ll have access to extra videos that I post infrequently cuz what is time even anymore… (chuckles) You can find my Patreon at www.patreon.com/powernotpity! But yeah, thanks so much for listening and stay tuned for more Power Not Pity next month!
(Sounds of Biggie breathing can be heard while Kay says “Good Boy”. )
End.